ANNOUNCEMENT!

“Hear ye! Hear ye! Gather ‘round and be silent! Hear ye this announcement of towering import!”

[Crowd falls silent and gathers round the herald.]

“The Johnson Family.

Is. 

Moving!”

[Murmuring from crowd.]

[Pigeons flutter.]

[A tomato flies from somewhere in the back.]

“Boo! I thought you said this was NEWS!” 

End of play.

[Scattered applause.]