New Normal

Life has not been the same since I last blogged…

Tammy and I and Everett are currently deep in the throes of our transition to new normal. Not to mention all that our other five kids are going through—these weeks have been taking their toll on them, too. I don’t really know what to write, frankly.

Some things over the past two months have gone well…  And we’ve certainly seen progress, though it’s usually only seconds between questions, or outbursts, or raucous laughing, or pestering someone, or asking another question, or pouting/crying/tantrums, or more questions, or shouting at the top of his lungs, the only volume he seems to have.

Seconds.

Think of how many seconds there are in two months, and that might throw some light on what our lives have been like.

I don’t want to make out that everything is terrible. But nor do I have the margin to describe just how different life with him (so far) is.

On my birthday a couple weeks ago, I lay next to him while he flailed and screamed over and over and over and over and over that he wanted to die (or maybe that time it was “go back to the orphanage”), and I prayed a simple prayer:

“Please don’t ask me to do this again.” 

I mean, I’m glad he has a family, I am.

And I am in no doubt whatsoever that Everett was supposed to come to this family.

We are not mystified or befuddled like we were the first time around. This time we know what it can take for a kid to slowly heal from trauma. Already he loves us to pieces, and often shows it.

I just don’t want God to ask me to do this again.

Our family has burst the boundaries of what Tammy and I can emotionally and physically handle. I’m grieving again all the things I know this means I will miss out on, either now or someday.

Yet I’ve gained, too.

You can’t pay anyone to force you to trust Christ for everything you need in a day, even your sanity. You can’t overstate the peace that a quiet confidence God has spoken (regardless of what he’s said) brings.

And better times are coming.

12 thoughts on “New Normal”

  1. Thanks for sharing. I’ll be continually praying more for Everett as he adjusts, for you and Tammy to find the fullness of God in his peace, joy and relentless love and for the kids to be protected by the Lord, confident in who they are in the Lord and in the family!

  2. We prayed for you tonight at church, and we as a couple pray for you daily. In weakness He is strong.

  3. We love you guys and are praying for you that you will be given the discernment , wisdom and strength when you need it. Asking the Father to hold you all and especially hold Everett and quite his spirit and bring it under the authority of Christ. Hugs!!

  4. Thank you for your authentic sharing! I will be praying for you and your family!
    You guys are powerful people! What you say changes things! You are bringing so much life, so much family, so much love!
    Thank you!

    1. Bethany! What an honor and a privilege to know you are praying for us. Thank you for your words, your Word, to us! You’re welcome, I’ll say, but thank YOU for writing and encouraging us. We love seeing pics of your precious family. Keep your eye out for me ushering the aisle in any random church services around the world that you may attend…!

  5. May the Father truly be your full supply. Lord I pray protection and peace over this family. Pour out your love, wisdom, and peace and shine light on the path. Lord, bind up the broken hearted and be very near to the crushed in Spirit. You are good and you are working, now move the mountain. We shall choice to praise you in the middle of the storm. We shall lift up our eyes and FIX them on you. We shall truly surrender to your will and bow out knee to your authority. Help us! Help us through the fire!

    1. Wow, such an outpouring of support… Praise the Lord for raising you up to lift us up, Cindy! Thank you.

  6. God’s Love and Your Love ( whole Johnson family) WILL WIN!!!!!!!!!! God has given you and Tammy a powerful Mission..AND….HE Will give you the strength and wisdom to see it through!!!!!! Difficult…..Hard…Frustrating…YES!!!! I think of the song…”It will be worth it all when we see Christ.” AMEN!!! I experiensed some of this when I was a child with one of the kids (Greta Hansen) whom we had in our home for two years. Took a lot of my Mom’s time which I couldn’t quite understand back then….BUT….it was worth it. AMEN…again!!!!!!!

    1. THANK YOU Tante Annette! You’re right, it is a Mission, and sometimes that’s the only thing that gives hope when we’d rather it all just went away…
      I’d enjoy hearing more about this Greta (after I buy a motorcycle and take a trip up to see you someday…
      #swansislandisgreat

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